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Tuesday, 05 January 2010

  • 4 Year Anniversary of Motherhood

    Well, it's almost here, Emma's 4th birthday, not commonly referred to as my 4 year anniversary of motherhood.  However, perhaps it should be.  My friend just had her first baby and started her first mommy blog.  It struck me how four years of motherhood has impacted me and how I've changed along the way in discovering who I am and how I want to parent my kids.  Of course it's important to celebrate our kids on their birthdays, but I never really realized how it's also a chance for my own reflection on my life as a mom.  Hmm, maybe I should be giving my mom a gift on my next birthday instead of the other way around? 

    My blog and my interaction with my friends's blogs represent my feelings and an evolution throughout my parenting experience.  When I first started blogging, I spent a lot of time dealing with the details of Emma's routine and baby milestones because that was all new to me.  Of course, with it comes discussions about the places where battle lines of newborn parenting are drawn concerning crying it out, nursing on demand, co-sleeping, nap schedules, bedtimes, organic foods, homemade baby food, juice or no juice.  Looking back, it's all a bit much the way it rules your life and the way the discussions can be so passionate.  I think with my second child either I've given up on half of it or I've just loosened up.  My kids are as different as night and day.  Emma was a champion sleeper from the get go and I still felt tired and sleepless a lot of the time.  She got sick all the time.  She had diaper rashes all the time.  She did not sleep well when we traveled and we had to travel a lot.  Jesse is not a champion sleeper, but he's never sick, he's never had a diaper rash, and he's slightly better about travel and sleep.  I am pretty much convinced at this point that there is no magic formula for a perfect kid or a perfect newborn and that even if there were, subsequent kids would make the formula nearly impossible to carry out.  I'm also convinced after seeing two opposite kids come out of me that the personality you've been dealt is one of the biggest determiners of how your kid will act as a newborn.  Sure, you can make things harder or easier on yourself, but it does not mean a particular schedule will correct all the issues. 

    Maybe I'm being overly intuitive, relying on my intuition to parent and to handle my newborn.  I probably am since I am not very sensate in how I make decisions.  It may be obvious to you that I take this same approach to the mothering side as I do to the children side.  I think each mom is different, and while we are all responsible for being good parents, that looks different for different people.  I think it still bothers me when SAHM is revered as the best possibility, like it's something we are all trying to get to and would if we could.  (I'm saying this in a time in my life when I am the closer to being a SAHM than ever.  I am only out of the house and away from my 8 month old 7 hours a week.  He only gets a bottle three times a week and that for only 10 weeks so far of his life.  He's only had like 30 bottles in almost 240 days, in which he ate more than 1920 times).  Equally, I should note that it is bothersome to hear people talk about having a "career for myself," or somehow elevating women who have careers outside the home as more intelligent or more educated or more accomplished.  I want to be satisfied with my job, but I don't work to satisfy myself.  Anything I do, whether SAHM or working outside the home or the combination of both that my husband and I have long juggled, I want to do it because I feel a sense of God's calling, God's blessing, and of God writing the story of my life and our family's life together.

    It's part of who Jeff and I are, individually, and as a couple, but I believe we make decisions based off values and that we are trying to parent out of a set of values rather than prescribed or previously modeled forms of parenthood (not that previous models would be bad at all, it's just that Jeff and I by personality are guided by values questions).  I've been wanting to put together a list of our values, but I have not had time to think about it much.  Nonetheless, I'm going to start a post that deals with those things.  

Sunday, 03 January 2010

  • Praise to the Lord the Almighty

    Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation,
    O my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation
    All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near,
    Praise Him in glad adoration!

    On the 24th of August in 2002, I walked down the aisle toward Jeff with this song playing as the bridal processional.  It was a wonderful day, with a noticeable absence.

    On the 3rd day of January in 2010, this song concluded the service at Lake Avenue Church.  Jeff held our happy baby boy in his arms and we belted out this same hymn.  Jeff had just preached a sermon at his third of four services, his first time preaching from the pulpit as pastor.  There was a noticeable presence.  We were joined by Jeff's parents, brother, two aunts, two cousins, and children of cousins. 

    Praise to the Lord, who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth,
    shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth
    Hast though not seen how thy desires e'er have been
    granted in what he ordaineth.

Saturday, 02 January 2010

  • My Life|My Parents' Lives

    Every year seems to bring so much change and surprise and new things.  It's nothing I could have anticipated if I had tried to predict my future.  Even after meeting and marrying Jeff, I pretty much assumed that we would more or less stay in the Ann Arbor area our whole lives.  I mean, if one of us wanted to go back to school, we had a huge university in our backyard.  Clearly, that is not how things turned out. 

    My life is so incredibly different from my parents' young adult lives.  They married into families that were similar and both from Metro Detroit.  They settled in Metro Detroit.  My dad has worked for the same company since I was just learning to talk.  They have owned four houses in 32 years all within about 17 miles (starting in Detroit and moving due west three times).  My brother even went to the Catholic high school my dad graduated from.  My sister went to the same college as my dad.  That's the kind of family I am from.

    So here I am in California asking myself questions like, "I wonder who we will invite to Jesse's first birthday party," and "When is the next time I will be in the same state as ____________?"  It's not a primarily unhappy feeling, but it's just strange to a girl who pretty much stayed put for the first 27 years of her life. 

    This is what I reflected on during the first day of 2010, these strange, unfamiliar realities that I am coming to know as my own.

Friday, 01 January 2010

  • If Every Day Were The First of The Year

    I kind of wish everyday could be the first of the year.  It's a fresh start, no opportunity to be disappointed about what the year brought or to be stressed or grumpy.  Of course, we did ring in 2010 by saying to one another in a sleep stupor, "Will this child EVER sleep through the night?"  Jesse did not have a happy ringing in of 2010.  It took about 6 times of us going in with him during the course of at least an hour before he fell back to sleep. 

    Other than that incident, it feels so good to start fresh and new and to feel like you are not behind.  This week will be busy for us though, and I have to mentally prepare.  Tomorrow and the next day Jeff will preach at four services at our church.  His first time in the pulpit at the church.  His extended family plans to attend.  Jeff's brother and sister each come to town next week.  I pick up the Huangs from the airport on Monday and then my family heads to Corona to see Jeff's brother.  All three of us start school next week.  Saturday Emma and Andrew Huang have a joint birthday party with classmates.  That is just the first week of the New Year.  Oh well, it would not be my life if it didn't involve a balancing act of some sort!  All good things to come.

Thursday, 31 December 2009

  • Goodbye 2009

    You were not my favorite year.  You brought us a bouncing baby boy, and we are grateful.  However, you also brought us lots of headaches, lots of waiting, umpteen transitions.  2009 was marked with difficulty for lots of our friends.  We are glad to say goodbye.  Who cares that I turned 29 in 2009?  I'd rather be 30 than repeat this year. 

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Haller4307

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    • Name: Lisa
    • Country: United States
    • State: California
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    • Member Since: 1/12/2005

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  • I consider myself to be a sometimes toxic combination of highly emotional and extremely analytical. This blog is whatever I want it to be on the day I am writing. If you want typo-free, perfect grammar essays, you better go somewhere else. Despite a BA in English Literature, my brain is far too strained to strive for perfection.

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