Becoming a student again has been a wonderful experience (minus the fact that we moved during midterms).  It just feels so right to be back in the classroom, learning and writing.  There is a part of me that wonders what took me so long to get back here.  It just feels so much a part of who I am and what I am supposed to do, it's no wonder my original ambition post-college was to go back to school for an English PhD. 

What happened to that dream?  Timing happened to that dream.  It just wasn't working out.  Jeff had made a commitment to InterVarsity for three years.  I felt that at about 3-5 years into our marriage I would want kids.  We could postpone kids until after a PhD, but to what advantage?  Then I would be having kids right as I was looking for a job.  Besides, I kept feeling called back to InterVarsity staff every time I thought of leaving.

It came as somewhat of an insult when Jeff announced his plans to do a PhD about four years into our marriage.  Wasn't I the one that wanted to do my PhD?  By that time, we already had Emma and my main concern was not going back myself, but surviving financially if Jeff went back to school.  Of course, God is good and my time on staff at Northwestern while Jeff studied at Trinity was fulfilling and growth producing.  I stopped caring about going back to school, though little thoughts of a theological degree began to float about in my mind.

One day a speaker from our advancement department came to our Chicago divisional meeting and spoke about career development.  He told us that we needed to take our own development into our own hands and that we should become marketable outside our current job so that we never feel stuck.  I had thought about these things before having thought of leaving staff many times, but always coming back to feeling called to it.  I sat next to him at lunch and asked a different question.  "How can I as a part-time employee and mother of young children (pregnant with my second) grow and not become bored in this job?"  You see, my job is largely about doing the same things over and over again.  I am refining my skill set, but I work with a set age group of people (18-22 year olds) and some have referred to my job as "perpetual kindergarten" as we train students the same things year after year.  I also explained to the speaker the fact that we were on a trajectory of following Jeff's schooling through PhD.  This is what he said, "Why don't you take an educational sabbatical when you hit 7 years on staff?  If Jeff is going to be at a seminary, this would work out great and you should take advantage of it."  Inside, I wanted to laugh (or cry).  Here I was, in the 2nd trimester with my son and this man was suggesting I take a full-time study sabbatical in less than year?  Jeff says my first instinct is to think why things are impossible.  Financially?  Impossible.  Capacity?  Impossible.  Nursing a baby and going to school?  Impossible. 

A few months later, while I was also at a divisional meeting, I got the call from Jeff that he was accepted into Fuller.  We had just four days to decide whether to accept it.  This was the worst of all possible worlds for me.  I had no easy job options in Pasadena because I didn't know any staff out here.  In fact, it was a couple days before we even got a hold of anyone to talk to about the fact that I was coming out here and we only had four days to make the decision.  When I finally heard word from InterVarsity about the options for me, it just felt too rushed.  They had already made hires and placement for the following year.  I would be randomly placed wherever they had a need.  This made me nervous.  As a working parent, I need to know my job is a good fit for me and my family and that at the end of the day I will be glad I do what I do. 

I went to bed in tears thinking this was not playing out the way I imagined it would.  But somehow, that night, it hit me.  I could do the educational sabbatical.  It would be a year of study, but it would bide me the time needed to get more connected in California, to get the lay of the land, and to go through the normal time line for hiring and placement.  It was scary, but Jeff being the extremely supportive husband that he is, said, "YOU SHOULD."  With no internet access at our place, I sneaked out to Starbucks with Jeff morning after morning, completing the long application for the Masters of Arts in Theology and collecting references with just two weeks before Jesse's due date.  I didn't have time to think about the impossibilities of money, nursing, and capacity.  It was just going to have to work.  There was no plan B. 

There is obviously much more to the story.  You may wonder, how HAS it worked?  I don't have time to get into all that, but I can say that I feel that synergy that only comes once in a while in life when you love what you do and you feel like you are in your groove.  The speaker from the advancement department was more prophetic than I realized.  He was right about what I needed and how I needed to learn and grow, but I would have never had the guts to do it.  I'm so glad God knew this and made sure that my gutlessness wasn't the final factor in the decision.

This year, Emma was Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz for Halloween.  How appropriate.  We moved into our new home on Halloween.  Indeed, there is no place like home.

Home is a word that I resonate with deeply.  I've longed for our whole marriage for a place to call our own and settle down.  Ironically, God had consistently led us in the opposite direction of settling down until this time.  Home has always been a safe and happy place for me.  When I was pregnant with Emma and sick as a dog, it was my parent's home that Jeff drove me to so I could lay in their basement and watch movies.  When Jeff traveled out of town for InterVarsity events, I would pack up all of Emma's baby necessities and head to their home in Northville.  Renting a house in Livonia, MI during our last year in Michigan was a great experience for me.  It was 5 miles from my parent's house and in my childhood backyard.  Moving to Illinois was not easy on me.  While I liked it there, it was hard leading up to the move to separate myself from family and familiarity since I had grown up with a large extended family all around me in Metro Detroit.  With just a 5 hour drive, the times that I did make it back to Northville, MI were some of my best vacations during our two years in Chicago.  The ability to leave my kids in the hands of my parents and relax was deeply cherished. 

Now, here I am.  Thousands of miles from home, with a new home, creating a home.  It feels a bit strange, but it's definitely the best thing for us.  Jeff plans to take about 8 years to finish his PhD.  I just couldn't handle anymore upheaval and moving, especially not with kids.  I like it here.  I would never choose California to be my home, but it's the home God gave me and the place He is calling us to.  I am so thankful that we aren't going anywhere for a while.  There's no place like home.  In many ways it doesn't feel like my home yet, but I want my kids to have the same sense of home that I had.  

It was the longest home closing process using a convential loan that I've ever heard of, but 68 days after we signed with Bank of America for our mortgage, we got the keys at 4 PM on October 27. 

The best part?  We love the house, and it's brand new.  No one has ever lived in it before so there isn't too much to worry about (which is good since we have had such a hard year so far).  I have no idea how we got so lucky to own a new contruction home in California, but I am so thankful that God blessed us with it.  It's quite dirty because it was built one year ago and has been unoccupied.  Today will be cleaning, moving more boxes, and shopping for appliances.  Unfortunately, Jeff must go to the DMV during that time and get a license and registration for California on top of it all because his happen to expire the end of this week.  Moving man, the difficulties are endless!