Monday, 17 May 2010
-
Managing Failure
What are you good at? What are you terrible at? How do you manage the intersection of the two?
Now that I am a student again this year, I have been thinking a lot about the question. For example, I'm a firstborn who always succeeded at school. Just as firstborns do in life in the home, I figured out the system at school and how to thrive in it. You know where I am failing? Housework. I am finally willing to admit that I suck at it. There is no place in my life for it, no desire to do it, and I have come to the conclusion this year that if a) I had the money and b) I didn't feel bad about spending it this way, two investments that might really enhance my life would be a housekeeper and a personal assistant (for all those errands I hate to do).
I constantly wrestle with myself about my failure. I've learned enough about myself to know that it's not healthy to only lean into success. For one, the laundry must get done from time to time. Secondly, building my identity on something I am good at is not helpful for understanding grace. I know it's irresponsible to just ignore/cut out areas of my life just because I am terrible at them, but then again, there is some wisdom in letting go of the guilt of something you consistently fail at that is, at least in the grand scheme of things, not that important.
So how do you manage? Is there something that you are not good at, that you wish you were, but no matter how much you try, it's just not your thing? Do you force yourself to do it the way you think it should look in your head? Have you found a way to give yourself some grace?
I know I am capable of doing housework. I know I theoretically could rearrange my life to make it a priority. It's not a 12 step program I need. It's some advice for my internal world in how to manage success and failure simultaneously in the healthiest way possible.
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
email
- sent 0
- like
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to Haller4307's Xanga Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in Haller4307's local time zone: GMT -08:00 (Pacific Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (7)
I too am horrible at housework! I only do it if forced (i.e., the house if filthy or if we're having visitors). Thankfully, I'm married to a man who doesn't expect a spotless house! My perspective on it is that, while I will never be one of those people who constantly keeps an immaculate house, that right now is a particularly challenging time to keep my house clean and that once my kids are in school and I have more time, it will be less challenging to keep a minimum amount of clean around here.
For awhile, I really thought being a stay-at-home mom was that thing that I was just not really good at. Though a funny thing happened once I started forcing myself to do it the way I thought it should look in my head -- I actually started doing it better and enjoying it more! Part of it is the stage that my kids are in, certainly, but I'm also finding that God is sufficient when we give those parts of our lives up to Him that we struggle with. I don't know if He'll ever give me this unfettered joy for housework, but I'm glad the he gave me a love for being with my kids full-time!
@kinaida - Hi Kindra, thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It's really helpful. I'm glad God gave you joy for staying with your kids full-time. Now that we have two kids, I really long to have to juggle less and to stay home as much as possible, but, at the same time, I struggle with boredom when I am with them. It's hard to know how to manage so many things going on internally at once. Why is parenthood so hard and wonderful at the same time?
I listened to the best thing I've heard on failure today through a TED talk by J.K. Rowling. It's sad that a Christian didn't say these things, but such is the case when it comes to our view of failure.
http://vimeo.com/1711302
"So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant stripping away the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work all the work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded in anywhere else, I might have never found the determination to succeed in the one arena that I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock-bottom became a solid foundation on which I built my life."
It gets really good at about 7 minutes. These are very, very powerful words. And I think it's why Jesus calls us to the way of the cross. Failure seems to be the crucible through which Jesus transforms us.
I'm still being transformed, I think
I continue to do a lot of internal work on figuring out how idealized versions of success and failure have played into my life. There is something about our Western view of both success and failure that does not sit well with me...Jesus calls us to the cross, but how is that failure?
One place of internal work has been sitting with my girlfriends Mary and Martha. I think it has been easy to uphold Mary and tsk, tsk Martha, Martha, but the discussion with Jesus over housework help is one of the places in scripture I find success and failure happening simultaneously for both women in different arenas. I am both Mary and Martha.
There are a lot of things I know I could make space for in my life, but I've had to tell myself, ask myself over and over if these are the things God is calling me to say "yes" to at this time. You're right, Lisa. Some things have to get done. Get those done as they are needed.
I actually am checking blogs as a way to avoid cleaning the bathroom. haha. Though I actually do like housework. Scratch that. I love the result of housework. I am a person who cannot relax if I have crumbs on my feet from a dirty floor, etc. Sometimes I daydream about having a maid. Okay, all the time.
There are many things that I am not good at. What has helped me is to admit that I am a failure in that area, and that the best that I can do about it is to do my best, and not ever expect success. For instance, I am an introvert. I hate it that society expects us to all be extroverts. So I practice being talkative, etc., in large social situations. I do my best. But I don't expect to enjoy myself or make any new best friends in the process. It feels very freeing to not have to meet expectations.
Don't know if that made any sense, but I really must continue my losing battle with shower mold...
Thanks, guys. It's surprisingly refreshing to hear what everyone else fails at and wishes they didn't!
Kathy, that is so funny about planning to be spontaneous.
April, I'm an introvert too. Good thoughts!